Taking a Break from Social Media Won’t Help My Mental Health: Finding What I Want Will

Recently my friend sent me an NPR Radio Replay called “ Prisons of Our Own Making.” Much of the content was about how people compare themselves on social media and tend to take breaks from social media because the content is too overwhelming. However I have always questioned, are you taking a break for your mental health? Or do you need to take a break because you need to change your perspective on how you consume social media?

I think if your motives for taking a break from social media because you are overwhelmed or need to reflect about yourself while comparing yourself to others should sound an alarm. At least for myself I find myself comparing myself to others in non digital spaces too. When I go to concerts I am aware of how single I am when everyone is on a date. When I take the train to and from work I think about the dollar signs over peoples heads and how they are significantly more well off than I am in terms of their finances. When I play music at shows I think about the album sales others have and how I could do better than the bands I see. The reality is no matter if its digital or a physical space I am frequently comparing myself to others. But more importantly, I am in a very tight and strong battle with myself. Its not so much others that I care about, I care about what I want for myself.

If you asked me what are five things I want in my life, these are the five things.

1) I want to have enough money to pay my bills, develop a strong financial portfolio and pursue my dreams.

2) I want to have a career related to my career needs and goals.

3) I want a music career that allows me to share my story and help others while being financially sustainable and not having to use my career money to sustain the goals necessary for music.

4) I want a better relationship with God.

5) I want friends that help me with these goals, the ability to give back to my friends and my community, be more present for others, and have a dating life that allows me to experience consistent relationships.

Technically I desire to have 9 specific things to make me feel truly happy and fullfilled with my life. And what do all of those things require? Money and a supportive connection. These are not all of the things I need or want in my life, but I do think these things are necessary for me to acquiring satisfaction and sustainability to living the life I wish to lead.

I think deleting my Facebook wont get me any closer or farther from achieving these goals, nor do I think Facebook is distracting me from these goals. But I do think if I choose to continue to compare myself to others I will consistently set a war within my own mind about how far I am behind from being where I want to be with myself.

While reading this you may ask yourself or even say to yourself. “Oh Brian you have done so much or Brian money does not matter.” But money is extremely necessary for me to achieve 7 out of 9 of these goals. I understand having a relationship with God and others is not dependent upon money, but having the money to commute to and from places is necessary sustain friendships. Money is necessary to create art and have the instruments to create and record music I want to write. Money is necessary to create a platform for being heard. Money is needed to live in a house and have a car. Money is needed to be a bachelor and sustain a personal relationship with a partner. This is not to say money equals happiness, but money does sustain the actions necessary to allow you to enhance and develop your relationship. Given the history of my salaries and careers that have grossly underpaid me ( since graduating grad school in 2013 I have had the following estimated salaries 19,000, 58,000,16,000, and 12,000 all due to contract employment, part time employment, or being underpaid this is inclusive of salaries from side gigs and playing concerts). Keep in mind I have a masters degree and 4 years of experience in HR and Social Media with two certifications. According to the BLS I am worth a median of 82k and I have yet to even be paid the lower 10% of those paid in my field. (For more information view the link here https://www.bls.gov/oes/current/oes193032.htm) I do think its very necessary for me to find a job within my career and leave my city to sustain a better life, I don’t think my present situation is going to keep me afloat to survive. Often when I am on Facebook and I view people flaunting their vacations and trips and see that according to statistically verified data I find myself questioning “Why have I still remained underemployed over the past four years when I have more advanced skills than these people?” What am I doing wrong? Why am I not seeing the fruits of my labor come to life? And again keep in mind its not just on Facebook its every part of my life. My life is a ticking calculator and the only way for it to stop is to be paid what I am worth to live the life I desire and I don’t really know how to not stop trying to get what I want.

The next thing that you may be thinking is what about your friends and things you have now? Arent you thankful? Do you not appreciate the jobs you have had and the connections you have made? The answer to these question is yes , I don’t regret a single moment about my life, the mistakes, the failures, the sexual partners, the dates, the jobs, every thing about my life is something I am grateful for. However I am not happy with my present finances or my goals not being achieved. I am tired of being the friend who can’t provide a wedding gift or a birthday gift during gatherings because I can’t afford it. I don’t like being the friend who is considered to be so supportive of the scene but I can’t afford to go to shows and play my own shows. If anything I admittedly hate myself for it. I need money to function and I don’t really think I am asking to be greedy either.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I think it is possible to have good friends and still need and desire stronger connections to work towards the things you desire in your life. I want friends to make music with on a consistent basis instead of having flaky friends. I want to experience a life of romance and sex much like my peers do so that I am no longer confused about my romantic or sexual desires and needs instead of feeling fetishized, ignored and emotionally manipulated. I want to work for an organization that pays me what I am worth based on the market needs, the abilities I can provide and doesnt give me a contract, but instead they give me benefits and a compensation plan that has growth potential based on my performance. I don’t think I am asking for too much, and I don’t think logging off Facebook will change my desires or my needs to satisfy me or let alone be able to live. But I think having the persistence,faith and patience necessary to achieve my goals will help me find what I want.

While I continue to date, work, network, exercise, and better my life I have to remember two things. I can choose to play the victim or I can choose to believe that I can accomplish the things I desire. I know I have mental health issues with depression, but I have not been able to afford mental health services. I understand that not everyone gets the job they deserve out of college but maybe one day I will and then be able to help other people better themselves.

Deleting my Facebook won’t change my perception of myself, but having faith that I will get the things I desire as long as I work for it and continue to stay positive will. The next time you think doing a cleanse on Facebook or let alone social media, try to ask yourself am I doing this because this feeling of overwhelming doubt is from the internet? Or do you experience this doubt in physical spaces? Facebook is a place where immediate gratification and illusions of reality are often portrayed. We live in a world where we don’t show the work, but only the outcomes. I think this article is doing the opposite, I am sharing the struggle and believing in the outcomes of what could happen next for me.

I know I am living through hard times, but I don’t believe those hard times will last forever and most of all I will have the friends I need, the love I desire and the money necessary to make my dreams come alive.